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Big dogs often have big hearts—and even bigger delusions about their size. You’d expect dignity from a pup taller than your coffee table, but nope. These oversized goofballs act like lap dogs, cuddle bugs, and clumsy puppies rolled into one. They sit on people, trip over their own feet, and squeeze into spaces made for much smaller dogs. Whether flopping into your lap or sprawling across your bed like a wooly steamroller, these dogs prove that being huge doesn’t mean acting like it.
Great Dane
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Great Danes may be dubbed “gentle giants,” but mentally, they’re convinced they’re small enough to be purse dogs. Despite standing as tall as a small pony and weighing as much as a grown man, Danes are notorious for squeezing into laps, climbing onto couches like stealthy cats, and leaning their entire weight on you for cuddles. They’re affectionate, clingy, and often clueless about their ability to block doorways or knock over coffee tables with a single wag. Watching a Great Dane try to curl into a dog bed made for a Beagle is comedy gold. If this breed had a motto, it would be: “I’m not heavy—I’m just emotionally supportive.”
Newfoundland
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Newfoundlands are giant, fluffy clouds of affection that act more like giant teddy bears than the colossal working dogs they were bred to be. While they have a long history of hauling gear and saving lives in icy waters, most modern Newfies are happiest sitting on your feet and drooling lovingly into your lap. They’re gentle, goofy, and insist on being close—really close—even if that means accidentally suffocating you during a snuggle session. Newfies often forget that their head alone could rival the size of your pillow. They’re not here to intimidate—they’re here to nuzzle, nap, and possibly flatten your couch.
Irish Wolfhound
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Towering and majestic, the Irish Wolfhound could pass for a mythical creature from a fantasy novel—until they try to hop into your lap like a confused kangaroo. These lanky giants are known for their sweet, gentle personalities and their deep bond with their humans. Unfortunately, no one has told them they’re the size of a small moose. Irish Wolfhounds are perfectly content trying to snuggle into small spaces, sprawling across your bed like they pay rent, and following you from room to room like a shadow with legs the length of your entire torso. Basically, they’re part noble steed, part oversized cuddle bug.
Saint Bernard
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Saint Bernards are famous for their rescue missions in snowy mountains, but in your home, they’re more likely to rescue your sanity with a surprise lap hug. These drool-laden giants are friendly, loving, and impressively unaware of their bulk. They think nothing of backing into your lap or flopping down on your feet like it’s the world’s coziest dog bed. Their sense of personal space is practically nonexistent, but their desire to love and be loved makes it impossible to stay mad when they sit on you. Saint Bernards are the kind of dog who brings you a slobbery toy and then collapses on your legs like a warm avalanche.
Mastiff
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Mastiffs are massive, muscular dogs with the presence of a tank and the soul of a marshmallow. These droopy-faced sweethearts tend to act like lap dogs who have been cursed with an unusually large frame. Whether they’re sitting on your lap (slowly, so you don’t notice) or leaning their entire weight into your body like a 150-pound hug machine, Mastiffs don’t believe in personal space. They’re protective, loyal, and gentle—but absolutely clueless about their ability to block your entire hallway by simply lying down. Living with a Mastiff means accepting that the furniture is no longer yours—it’s communal.
Bernese Mountain Dog
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Bernese Mountain Dogs were built for hauling and herding, but they seem much more interested in hauling themselves onto your lap. These fluffy giants are endlessly affectionate, often acting more like golden retrievers in a giant dog costume. Their sunny personalities and playful spirit make them perpetual puppies, even as their size rapidly outgrows all your furniture. They love to be involved in every family activity—even if that activity is squeezing onto a loveseat clearly made for one. The Bernese motto could easily be, “If I fits, I sits—and I always fits.”
Leonberger
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Leonbergers look like majestic lion-bear hybrids, but they are, at their core, just oversized goofballs. Despite their impressive appearance and intimidating bark, most Leos are big-hearted mushballs who don’t know how to dog politely. They’ll sprawl across your floor like a throw rug, hop into your lap like an overgrown cat, and greet visitors by gently steamrolling them with love. Leonbergers have a cheerful, puppy-like demeanor that sticks with them long after their legs have outgrown every dog bed in the house. Think of them as overgrown toddlers in fur coats—always cheerful, always attached, and never spatially aware.
Anatolian Shepherd
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Anatolian Shepherds were bred to guard livestock with fierce independence, but at home, they’re more likely to guard your side of the bed with their whole body. These massive dogs are serious when it comes to protection, but when the danger is low (which is most of the time), they default to leaning, flopping, and gently crushing their humans with affection. They enjoy sitting like awkward humans on couches and are known for their sprawling nap positions that claim half your living space. The Anatolian might guard your home, but it’s also probably snoring in your laundry basket right now.
Great Pyrenees
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With their stunning white coats and majestic presence, Great Pyrenees could easily pass as regal protectors of the mountain realm—if only they didn’t constantly try to sit in your lap or nap in your sink. These gentle giants have an independent streak, but when they bond with their people, they become clingy clouds of fur and drool. They love being near you at all times and will lie on your feet, your legs, or directly on top of your chest if you let them. A Great Pyrenees doesn’t just want to be close—they want to become part of your body temperature regulation system.
The Lap Dogs That Could Crush a Couch
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These colossal canines may have the build of bears and the bark of thunder, but deep down, they’re just oversized puppies with zero self-awareness. Whether they’re squeezing into your lap, hogging your bed, or accidentally bulldozing your coffee table in pursuit of a cuddle, one thing’s for sure—they’ve never looked in a mirror. If you’ve ever wanted a dog who thinks “gentle giant” means sitting on your face to show affection, these breeds are living proof that big love comes in hilariously big packages.
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