Bulldogs may look like sleepy marshmallows with legs, but behind those wrinkled brows lives a sharp critic. Don’t be fooled by the snorts and snores, your bulldog has opinions, and you’re probably the main subject of them. Here are the top 7 things that earn you a silent side eye from your jowly roommate.
1. Singing Off Key in the Car
You think your bulldog enjoys your car karaoke, but from the backseat he’s wondering why you insist on screaming lyrics you clearly don’t know. He’s not impressed with your pitch, and he’s definitely not joining in.
2. Buying Fancy Treats Then Eating Plain Chips Yourself
You spring for organic, grain free peanut butter bites that cost more per ounce than gold, but when it comes to yourself you’re inhaling off brand tortilla chips. Your bulldog notices. He’s judging your priorities.
3. Dressing Him Up for Instagram
That bee costume? The tutu? The pirate hat that barely fits? He remembers. While you’re snapping photos, he’s plotting ways to shred that outfit the second you turn around.
4. Talking to Him in Baby Voice
Sure, he’ll tolerate it, but the squishy face doesn’t mean he’s a squishy baby. Deep down he’s wondering why your voice drops two octaves higher than normal and why you insist on saying “Who’s a good widdle man?” like it’s a TED Talk.
5. Taking Forever to Open the Door
To your bulldog, door opening is an emergency service. He scratches, you respond. If you delay because you’re “finishing a text,” he’ll stare at you with the same look you give delivery drivers who can’t find your house.
6. Exercising in Front of Him
Burpees, yoga poses, planks, your bulldog doesn’t get it. He thinks you’re flopping around like a fish while sweating up his living room. The side tilt of his head? Not curiosity. That’s judgment.
7. Eating Without Sharing
This is the cardinal sin. Sitting there with pizza while he watches drool pool onto the floor? Unforgivable. The look in his eyes says, “You call me your best friend, but I haven’t tasted a pepperoni in my life.”
Your bulldog may not speak, but his eyes and sighs say enough. He’s not mad, just perpetually disappointed. Luckily, the judgment comes with unconditional love, so while you may never earn an A+ in his eyes, you’ll always be his favorite human to silently critique.
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