When a 10-year-old English Bulldog arrived at Harnett County Animal Shelter, the staff probably could have chosen a distinguished name befitting his senior status. Something dignified like Winston or Walter might have suited him perfectly. Then he opened his mouth and started making noises. Suddenly, there was really only one possible name. Meet Lawnmower, a squishy senior Bulldog who apparently sounds less like a dog and more like a piece of yard equipment someone has been unsuccessfully trying to start since 1997.
Lawnmower Sounds Exactly How You’d Expect
The shelter didn’t choose Lawnmower’s name because of his passion for landscaping. It was inspired by the impressive collection of grumbles, snorts and other mechanical noises that seem to come standard with this particular Bulldog.
“Rrrr… rrrr… HURGGHH… snort… rrrr…” Harnett County Animal Shelter wrote while introducing him on Facebook.
Staff insist they make the comparison with “an unreasonable amount of love.” That’s understandable because Lawnmower is also, in their words, “a squishy senior citizen shaped like a dinner roll.”
Unfortunately, the comparison doesn’t end with the sound effects. Like any lawnmower that’s been around for a while, this guy has a few maintenance lights glowing on the dashboard.
The Maintenance Light Is Definitely On
At 10 years old, Lawnmower has some health issues that his future family will need to help him manage. His skin folds need ongoing attention, and shelter staff are currently working on getting them cleaned up and comfortable.
His eyes need veterinary attention as well. Lawnmower has an eyelid mass and corneal opacity affecting his right eye, while his left eye has cherry eye. He also has mild ear infections and is showing signs of arthritis in his left leg. The shelter wants potential adopters to understand these aren’t simply funny quirks, and whoever brings Lawnmower home will need to work with their veterinarian to continue addressing his medical needs.
Then there’s his hearing. Staff aren’t quite sure whether Lawnmower is actually hard of hearing or has simply reached an age when listening to other people’s opinions feels unnecessary.
Testing is apparently ongoing. Lawnmower, meanwhile, seems perfectly content with either explanation.
Nobody Told Lawnmower He’s Supposed to Slow Down
His medical chart may say “senior dog,” but apparently nobody bothered to share that information with the patient. According to the shelter, “Pawpaw is out here STRUTTING.”
Lawnmower waddles around like he owns the place, presumably because nobody has presented convincing evidence that he doesn’t. His priorities are also remarkably clear for a gentleman enjoying his retirement years.
First, locate the cheese. Second, identify the human currently controlling access to the cheese. Then negotiations begin.
There aren’t many complicated terms involved in these negotiations. Lawnmower would like you to give him the cheese, and his counteroffer is that you give him the cheese immediately.
He Is Apparently a Full Sensory Experience
Once the cheese transaction has been completed, Lawnmower is prepared to express his gratitude. Unfortunately for nearby humans, his chosen methods involve both sound and smell.
The shelter describes him as producing noises reminiscent of a “failing small engine.” Then there’s whatever is happening at the opposite end of Lawnmower, which staff delicately suggest may have crawled “directly out of the depths of his bulldog soul.”
“The man is a full sensory experience,” the shelter wrote.
Honestly, it’s difficult to argue with that assessment. Lawnmower isn’t merely a dog you meet because he is apparently a dog you experience with every available sense.
Retirement Is a Full-Time Job
Beneath all the jokes is a senior dog who needs someone willing to love him exactly where he is in life. Lawnmower isn’t a young, low-maintenance pup, and the shelter isn’t trying to pretend otherwise.
Adopting a senior dog with medical needs can mean veterinary appointments, medications and extra attention to keeping them comfortable. In Lawnmower’s case, it also means accepting that the newest member of the household may sound like he needs a pull cord.
What you get in return is a ridiculous little old man waddling through the house, searching for snacks and approaching retirement with impressive dedication. He’s crusty, stubborn, noisy and, according to the people who’ve gotten to know him, absolutely delightful.
Harnett County Animal Shelter has already done its part by loving Lawnmower and getting his maintenance underway. Now, the staff has one simple request for whoever falls for their favorite broken-down piece of yard equipment.
“Please take Lawnmower home,” the shelter wrote. “We love him, but somebody else needs to start buying his cheese.”
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